…a C-PTSD Friday…

Started for me at 5:30 AM…I rarely sleep more than 2 or 3 hours most nights.

It was one of those mornings when the shakes started before I could get my meds in me. Days that start out that way rarely improve and often get worse as the day wears on. I’m resigned enough to my fate that i usually just write the day off, stay asleep if I can and suffer through the frustration of being incapacitated by withdrawal from a drug that should never have been prescribed for me in the first place.

Today, however, that luxury was denied me. An acquaintance, nice man, about ten years my senior, is going through the same crap my ex-wife put me through. His long-time partner is a narc (someone with narcissistic personality disorder) and emotionally battered him until he left. It happens to men more often than you might imagine, although women are far more at risk, especially to physical abuse. He needs support and I couldn’t say no.

The problem for me is that I don’t have much left to give. I have been trying to see a diagnostician (not a ‘mental health nurse’ or a ‘social worker’) for over five years. No private psychiatrist will take new patients and the frontline at our local Community Mental Health are the aforementioned mental health nurses. Their main purpose seems to be to find, manufacture or fake a reason for a patient to be untreatable. To make a long story slightly less long, I’m tired, frustrated, confused and irritated, so it’s not easy to walk through someone else’s trials as well as your own.

I did sit with him and talk for a couple of hours, about choices in meds, most effective therapies, all just from my perspective. Hopefully it helped. After two hours, though, I had one of the ‘seizures’ (I use the word guardedly, I’m not sure that is the right term for what I experience) that anxiety bring on and we had to call a halt to it.

Then I slept. So tired, so numb and dissociated. Woke after two hours of sleep to more shakes…oh joy.

I finally ate at 8:30, two meals today, good for me. Then, fill the vape and settle in to watch bad American tv. At least I can’t job search over the weekend and really bring myself down…later

...thoughts, comments...

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