…the hard way…

Also the name of a great Steve Earle & the Dukes record, I’m referring to the way life can throw curve after curve at you, unrelentingly, for years on end. I sometimes wonder how myself and people in similar situations (and I’m well aware there are many) manage to keep plodding on…

I don’t celebrate or, for that matter, observe my own birthday. I usually turn my phone off, stay away from social media and carry on. I have always found birthdays depressing; that feeling has only gotten worse over the years.

Today (it’s Feb 16 right now) is the 30th birthday of my son, my only child. One of my ex-wife’s daughters’ birthdays is in three days. Both are, predictably, causing me grief (most things do, I can see the dark side of most/all things). Anything that marks the passage of time reminds me of my situation and the pointlessness of trying to better it in today’s Canada.

I am, prematurely, in my twilight years. Between two or three physical ailments, of varying degrees of seriousness, diabetes, Protracted Withdrawal Syndrome from having been over-medicated on benzodiazepines and worsening symptoms of C-PTSD after years of being on the receiving end of an abusive relationship I have barely enough energy to fight for the pittance that the government will condescend to give me after years of service to the community and paying my taxes like everyone else.

Nothing comes easy to me. I am not afraid of hard work but why does everything have to be as hard as possible? Why does one have to make measured, calculated decisions, arrived at with the help of knowledgeable and intelligent friends, only to find a brick wall every time one tries to move forward?

Anyone who read my earlier post, “this week, the final straw…” will understand the circumstances of my hopelessness. My concern is that the feeling is deepening and I have nowhere to turn…

The title of this post describes how many human beings, North Americans in particular, have to get medical care. Those that do, these days, are the lucky ones. Many regional administrations in my country and, I suspect, the US as well have abrogated their responsibilities where the citizenry’s mental health and well-being is concerned.

If you have been diagnosed with a personality disorder (Borderline Personality Disorder ) in particular, you have probably been told directly or indirectly that it cannot be treated. In the first place, while difficult to treat, BPD can be treated, as can C-PTSD which is often mistaken for BPD. The refusal of the North American medical establishment to accept what psychologists the world over have identified and treated for 25+ years is unacceptable, cruel and criminally negligent.

Sorry for the rambling…consider it another symptom of C-PTSD, along with psychogenic seizures, tremor, hypervigilance, etc. There are many others, but you can read all about it in the link above…L8R

...thoughts, comments...

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