another year later…

Another year gone by today…

I stopped celebrating birthdays years ago. My ex-wife liked to heap particularly nasty abuse on me on that day in particular.

This year is worse than usual. I am now homeless, broke and getting broker, sick and getting sicker and feeling completely alone in the town where I grew up.

The particularly ironic part is I just received a medal from our Senate for my contributions to the culture of our country and my efforts to advocate for better mental health care. If my efforts were so valued, why am I waiting for an intake interview?

It’s been clear to the three therapists I’ve seen that I am suffering from trauma-related illness, and that it has destroyed my life. Yet, if I say anything but I’m about to kill myself, no one in this province does anything either.

I feel a real mix of emotions regarding my country. Mostly empty kudos and awards just don’t seem to be worth anything when the same country that awards them ignores the basic NEEDS of its citizens…

Don’t get me wrong; I appreciate the efforts of the senator who put my name forward, I appreciate the support of all those who came to my shows, bought my CDs. When you dedicate your life to something and, in your twilight years, almost all of the people you worked with or for, your family and friends, turn their backs on you, it destroys what little self-esteem you’ve managed to hang on to.

Really leaves one wondering if there is any place in the world for one…

So I sit here, on a cot in a storage room. Most of my belongings are in a storage unit outside of town. I spend my days trying to find a place to live that I can afford now that the dr.’s have ‘retired’ me. With the right diagnoses and treatment I probably could work for another decade…but they’d rather replace me with a Millenial and let me live the rest of my life in abject poverty. O Canada, indeed…

...thoughts, comments...

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